Common Couples Therapy Questions

Relationships can be challenging. Sometimes, couples may seek counseling to navigate conflict, communication challenges, or joint decisions. Studies have found that couples therapy benefits around 70% of those who utilize it. Additionally, attending couples therapy can often be completed short-term, offering valuable support to struggling couples. When reaching out for therapy, you may wonder what a couples therapist will ask you or what couples therapy sessions look like. Learning the common therapy questions can help you show up to your first session prepared.

Counseling questions 

If you are getting ready to begin therapy, you may wonder what to expect. Often, the therapist will facilitate conversation between you and your spouse or partner. Or you may discuss the issues in your relationship with your therapist, and they can offer recommendations for you both to try. They might begin this process by asking a series of questions and allowing each of you to respond. Before going to your first session, it might make you feel better to know some of the questions commonly asked.

Examples of couples therapy questions:

Below are a few relationship questions married or dating couples might hear from a therapist when they sign up for couples therapy. 

What conflicts or concerns brought you to seek a marriage counselor? 

One of the common couples therapy questions you may be asked at the beginning of the process is related to the reason or reasons that you decided to attend therapy. Still, it can be a difficult question for some people to answer. Try to be honest and let your therapist know if one of you was more receptive to signing up for therapy than the other. 

During a counseling session, your therapist might ask you questions about whether you hope to stay together, receive advice for a divorce, or consider breaking up. Regardless of your response, your therapist may offer advice and therapeutic techniques to help you handle the conflicts or decisions about your marriage and family. Honest communication about whether the relationship can continue is often beneficial. 

Your therapist may ask questions about how you love your partner and your love languages during couples therapy. In some cases, individuals might feel attached to their partner and have the desire to spend quality time together but do not experience intense feelings of romantic love. If one partner no longer loves the other, this might be expressed in couples therapy. A therapist can offer techniques for reviving a spark or deciding how to proceed. 

People may fall out of love sometimes, and they can also stop being attracted to one another. However, this process does not necessarily mean that the flame cannot be rekindled. Some individuals might love their partner as a best friend or companion. In these cases, they may be dedicated to reviving romantic feelings. 

It might be challenging for your partner to hear that you don’t love them as you did before. However, honest communication can help you move forward. 

Conflict may arise if one partner feels that the intimacy levels in the relationship are insufficient. Many couples report sexual incompatibility. This incompatibility may create challenges or desires to partake in outside sexual relationships. A sex or marriage therapist could help couples discuss these concerns and come up with solutions without causing one partner to feel unheard.  

If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.

Finally, your therapist may ask you questions to determine whether you and your partner feel like the relationship has a future. If your future goals align with your partner’s, it could be a sign that you hope to repair your connection. 

Emotionally focused therapy for couples

Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) is an effective couples strategy that focuses on the present rather than on past issues or concerns. Many issues that couples have are based on past problems and actions. The anger and resentment that may occur may have to be discussed in the present, and not left on the back burner, to move forward. 

EFT is a way to help couples get their relationship back to a healthier point. This type of therapy generally involves three stages. The couple may need to realize that their insecurities and distance are harming the chances of the relationship moving forward. This step involves stopping any adverse interactions with one another to halt the cycle that may be keeping the relationship on the rocks.

Finally, the third step of emotionally focused couples therapy involves advice from the therapist on avoiding falling back into the same negative cycles. For this to work, it may be imperative to learn from past mistakes. If you can continue to have healthy conversations in the future instead of falling into unhealthy patterns, you may be able to lead a happier life together. Focusing on the emotional health of all parties involved can be possible. Still, it may take a commitment to honesty and a willingness to let go of the past.

Couples counseling options

When starting off, questions to ask may include determining how often to go, where to attend sessions, and what plan the therapist has for you. Many couples may face barriers to treatment, such as scheduling, availability, cost, or availability. Although it can be a great resource for some, couples counseling can be expensive, and some therapists in your area may not offer it. If you relate, consider online counseling. 

Online counseling can be done from home, and two parties can remotely join from different locations if required. This type of counseling is often more convenient for couples because it allows them to schedule sessions when they are available. Additionally, online counseling can be cheaper than in-person methods. One study found that online counseling was more effective than traditional therapy for couples, and many of the participants found it preferable. 

“Pamela has been a GREAT counselor! I needed clarity on my marriage and talking to her was so, so helpful. My husband chose not to get counseling with me, but I still got a lot of value out of speaking to Pamela on my own. 10/10, can’t recommend her enough!”